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This ones not even a pie, but they insist on calling it that. It’s a packet of crisps with cheese and chilli thrown on top. Imagine we mixed up King crisps and peanuts in the pub and called it a King crisp pie. Wouldn’t happen.
5. Sloppy Joes
TNS / ABACA
TNS / ABACA / ABACA
If you even watched just five minutes of American TV as a child, you’ve probably wondered what the hell a sloppy Joe was. It’s still not totally clear but it just looks like a mince sandwich.
Of course we sell these in Ireland, but does anyone actually buy them? The majority of peoples experiences with these are from the free sandwiches that got sent to primary schools (with the Avonmore race-car milk) across the country during the late nineties and early noughties. That alone has kept the cheese single economy in Ireland afloat.
Making a drink from powder really adds an annoying extra step with very little pay off. It probably requires as much water to produce this powder as it would to just sell it as a bottled drink.
These little marshmallow ducks will never go down well after that episode of Malcolm in the Middle when Malcolm’s brother Francis attempted to eat 100 of them and they expanded in his stomach.
This is not a sausage. This is not what you want in a restaurant when you order a sausage for breakfast. It’s practically like eating a hamburger for breakfast.
This is supposed to be a sandwich. It’s bacon and cheese inside of two pieces of fried chicken. While it’s probably acceptable to make at home when extremely hungover, it’s not something that anyone wants to eat regularly enough for it to be sold at a fast food chain nationwide.
While this dish is famously Canadian, it’s pretty widely available in America. There’s nothing more comforting than eating gravy and chips. Nothing. So why add cheese curds to the mix? There’s no need.
Friday 27 December, 2024
Friday 27 December, 2024
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27 foods Americans eat that we would never touch
1. Pumpkin Pie
In Ireland pumpkins are purely for aesthetic use. Plus Americans get canned pumpkins for pies and we don’t have a lot of access to canned pumpkins.
2. Pastrami sandwiches
Someone needs to tell them to go easy on the meat. That’s way too much for one sandwich, but that’s pretty standard.
3. Sweet potato pie
They will turn anything they get their hands on into a pie. Imagine we ate regular potato pie.
4. Frito pie
This ones not even a pie, but they insist on calling it that. It’s a packet of crisps with cheese and chilli thrown on top. Imagine we mixed up King crisps and peanuts in the pub and called it a King crisp pie. Wouldn’t happen.
5. Sloppy Joes
If you even watched just five minutes of American TV as a child, you’ve probably wondered what the hell a sloppy Joe was. It’s still not totally clear but it just looks like a mince sandwich.
6. Spray Cheese
And it’s always with crackers. Is this made solely for crackers or what?
7. Jars of cheese
There’s no obvious explanation as to why this exists. What kind of sandwich requires spreadable cheese over sliced cheese?
8. Tater tots
If these were anything special, we’d have them here by now.
9. Sno cones
Just have a cool pop or a slush puppy. These are probably ridiculously sweet, considering that they are just ice and syrup.
10. Peanut butter and jam
These aren’t revolting by any means, but they would just never become a staple in Ireland the way that they have in the US.
11. Cheese Singles
Of course we sell these in Ireland, but does anyone actually buy them? The majority of peoples experiences with these are from the free sandwiches that got sent to primary schools (with the Avonmore race-car milk) across the country during the late nineties and early noughties. That alone has kept the cheese single economy in Ireland afloat.
12. Deep dish pizzas
Why are the ingredients upside down? What is the sense in this?
13. Grits
This is made of corn, but it looks like porridge. What is it supposed to be?
14. Sweet potato and marshmallow casserole
Imagine we made regular potato casserole and put marshmallows on top.
15. Kool Aid
Making a drink from powder really adds an annoying extra step with very little pay off. It probably requires as much water to produce this powder as it would to just sell it as a bottled drink.
16. Peeps
These little marshmallow ducks will never go down well after that episode of Malcolm in the Middle when Malcolm’s brother Francis attempted to eat 100 of them and they expanded in his stomach.
17. Root beer
This tastes exactly like cough medicine. Not very refreshing at all.
18. Sausages that look like this
This is not a sausage. This is not what you want in a restaurant when you order a sausage for breakfast. It’s practically like eating a hamburger for breakfast.
19. Biscuits and gravy
These things are not biscuits or gravy. That’s a weird scone with some unidentified sauce that resembles gravy in no way whatsoever.
20. Twinkies
If you try these once, it’s enough for the rest of your life. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever crave them again.
21. KFC’s Double Down
This is supposed to be a sandwich. It’s bacon and cheese inside of two pieces of fried chicken. While it’s probably acceptable to make at home when extremely hungover, it’s not something that anyone wants to eat regularly enough for it to be sold at a fast food chain nationwide.
22. Poutine
While this dish is famously Canadian, it’s pretty widely available in America. There’s nothing more comforting than eating gravy and chips. Nothing. So why add cheese curds to the mix? There’s no need.
23. Meatloaf
Just pick one meat to have with your dinner.
24. Hawaiian pizza
One of America’s worst contributions to the world, which says a lot.
25. Corn dogs
That looks extremely unappetising.
26. Hershey’s chocolate
Like Twinkies, if you try these once or twice, you’ll never have any urge to eat them again. They taste like chocolate from a cheap advent calendar.
27. Donut burger buns
A cheeseburger inside a donut? That’s appetite-destroying. This should be illegal.
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